Hair Loss, Spanking, Sisterhood, and Sex
Which pleasure muscles did I exercise this weekend? I think it was the sisterhood muscle, along with the "accepting pleasurable offers" muscle and, of course, the fabulous sex muscle. But, what in the world does all of that have to do with hair loss, and (gasp) spanking?
Well, I'll tell you... I've got this fabulous little boy who is my son. Now, we've gone through the wringer with this one: 11 heart surgeries, numerous dental surgeries, and now, athletes foot! Under the weight of his illnesses, my parenting skills slipped. The poor kid got indulged, I am sad to say. Oh, that might be fun at first. But, being spoiled does nothing for social skill development!
Anyway, it has been my desire to give him a better and more delicious set of social skills. So, over the past three years I've been deconstructing my parenting and reconstructing it as best I can. We've worked through a lot of things, but there still seemed to be this hump we can't get over... his compliance!
So, because nothing else seemed to be working for me and the professionals (we went to a therapist when he was misbehaving in school last year) said he was perfectly fine, I thoughtfully decided to try spanking: a couple of quick swaps on the butt, immediately after the infraction. I'd tried everything else and I had come to the conclusion that this was the only thing left to try.
I gave it a shot.
And, my hair fell out.
Okay, not all of it. But, for the past two weeks I've noticed clumps of hair in the shower drain, similar to the amount I lost each time I took him for surgery. I'd been trying the spanking for two weeks. Hmmmm.
I didn't put two and two together, but my friend did, and that's what I want to tell you about.
Over the years I promised myself and my kids that I would never spank them or hit them. I always address this with anyone who watched my children - no spanking allowed, no one can hit, neither children nor adults. I've even mustered all my courage to address this issue with my dad!
I went against my own moral code when I tried out spanking.
So now, I had a deep dark secret, one that conflicted specifically with my beliefs (I guess that's what a deep dark secret is!!) As much as I wanted to get help, to find a different way to discipline my son, I found it too hard to talk to anyone about my secret.
How did I make my way out of this dark hole...
First of all, I gave this problem to my Higher Power. I handed it right over to Her (I totally connect with the Divine Feminine). Holding out my hands in the shape of a bowl I said out loud: This parenting stuff is yours, I can't do it without you!
Second and very deliciously, I accepted an invitation to a pleasurable experience. One of my girlfriends called me up last minute inviting me to dinner, her treat. Well, as a sister goddess, I am committed to accepting all pleasurable offers!! So, I said yes!! Spontaneously on Saturday night I left my hot hubby home with the kids and enjoyed a long relaxing evening with one of my girlfriends.
And third, I handed her my heart. I told her my secret.
I could do this because I have brilliantly sucked in sisterhood. I've got girlfriends who find me right and cheer me on. Goddesses here on earth for me to hug and to touch and to share food with and to dance with. Many of them right here in Richmond! They are women who are on the front lines of the Pleasure Revolution, rethinking the way we look at the world and our place in it.
So, on Sunday, I woke with renewed commitment to peaceful solutions. I met each and every one of my son's infractions with a time out for him. The sweet boy doesn't usually comply with those at all (Are you at all surprised?!? This is one of the reasons I had succumbed to spanking. If he won't go to his room when I ask him and he continues to misbehave, what other options did I have?!?!)
Timeout on Sunday meant that I scooped him upstairs to his room as soon as I issued the edict. My one hand on his sacrum (a perfect spot to cradle when you need to move someone along) and the other on his arm. Up I took him to his room. "Come down when you are ready to...(what ever it was that he needed to correct at the moment)" I did this consistently and for every misbehavior, big and small.
Wow!!! Much better than the spanking!! By the end of the day, there was compliance and love in the house again. With spanking there may have been compliance but I certainly didn't feel the love and I am guessing that he didn't either.
And now, I eagerly anticipate each and every moment with both of my children. Arms out, hands in bowl shape I gratefully shout, "Thank you Goddess, I'll take more please!"
I am eternally grateful to have friends, sister goddesses, each one of whom will hold my heart in her hands.
I desire my heart to continue opening to them. I desire peace and love in our home.
Oh, the sex!! I forgot all about the sex!!! I had the most fabulously orgasmic dreams this weekend. All three nights!! And, I expressed my love and sexiness to my husband all during the day, sitting on his lap in the living room, hugging him in the hall, kissing him in the kitchen. He graciously held me in his arms, containing all of my light filled energy, which must have related to the transformational weekend I was having around parenting, don't you think?!? Mmmmm, even with our clothes on the sexual connection is divine! And, I am grateful for him!!
Love to you all, and pleasure always!
Sister Goddess Elli